Balance is an illusion. There, I said it. They say to write about what you know and I know this to be true. The pursuit of balance is a trap because it’s a place you never fully arrive at; it’s the carrot dangling in front of the horse, and it keeps us on the hamster wheel of never-enough.
If you are feeling the exhaustion of never-enough deep in your bones, think of this article as a gentle outstretched hand that you can grasp onto to help you step into a higher way of thinking about yourself and your life. In it I’m going to break down why the pursuit of balance can lead to negative patterns of self assessment and how the pursuit of harmony within a monthly rhythm creates that sense of ease we're all craving.
This piece has already sold, but there are a few others with beautiful affirmations from the same collection available here.
I wear a lot of hats: I’m a mother of three, I manage caring for our house and meals (with the support of my amazing partner), I’m pursuing a career as a professional artist, and I work a couple side jobs that I care about deeply. Whether it’s been nurtured into me or it’s an innate trait, I tend to prize balance as being one of the highest accomplishments, to hold it as a sign of what a well-adjusted, grounded, and thriving life should look like – and that's not a bad thing, but it does place balance on a pedestal and that mindset is what can actually create a lot of tension and strain in your life.
A couple years ago I learned about the practice of choosing core values1 to guide the vision for your business. The idea is that you choose a few words you resonate with to serve as pillars for your why, it’s a really beautiful practice. One of the words I chose, yep you guessed it, was balance. Above all else, I wanted to make sure that while I pursued starting a business, I never lost sight of my family and my desire to be present with my kids through all the hard work and long nights ahead.
While that practice is beautiful, I took it to an extreme (like a I tend to do with a lot of things, I put my FULL heart into everything). Constantly seeking balance within all my roles created a deblitating pressure. I fell into this hyper-awareness of how "balanced" my life was or wasn't and how I could be better and do better and make everything work well together. Daily I found myself in this pattern of assessment which caused an intense sense of guilt; I found that when I was working I was thinking “I should be with the family,” and when I was with the family I was thinking “I should be working.” It truly became a hamster wheel of never feeling like I was enough, of always feeling spread too thin, and constantly falling short of the ultimate vision I had for myself, my business, and my life.
With a little divine intervention I had an epiphany one afternoon: valuing balance so intensely was the very thing throwing my life out of balance. Instead, prioritizing harmony among all the roles I manage is a much gentler way of moving through life with the ease we all crave.
With a little divine intervention I had an epiphany one afternoon: valuing balance so intensely was the very thing throwing my life out of balance. Instead, prioritizing harmony among all the roles I manage is a much gentler way of moving through life with the ease we all crave.
As a woman and someone with a uterus and ovaries, I’m a cyclical being. My life literally moves in a monthly rhythm with every new week bringing a new set of hormones, physiological processes, and neurological strengths.2 It makes absolutely zero sense that I’d be able to assess my life on a 24hr basis as a means of checking in to see if things are balanced. Because men move through the world on a 24hr hormonal cycle3, it makes sense that their brains can easily make assessments in that timeline.
It's taken me years to learn how to live my life in alignment with nature and to realize how the [capitalistic] world operates in a way that praises the male 24hr cycle and neglects the feminine rhythms – but I digress and that’s an article for another day.
The point is, desiring balance isn't a bad thing, but give yourself the grace to zoom out a bit and take a bird's eye view. Don't look at your life in a 24hr window – start building awarenss around the harmony you create over a monthly period (beginning around Day 2-3 of your period once your hormone cycle resets). Chances are you're probably doing way better than you realize, especially if you're judging yourself based on the actions of one day or even one week.
Chances are you're probably doing way better than you realize, especially if you're judging yourself based on the actions of one day or even one week.
This is your permission to be a woman in a system set up by men and for men to rule it. Truly I believe now more than ever the world is craving the nurturing energy of the feminine. You were designed to be a reflection of what nature looks like: how nature withers and rests (menstrual phase), how we're reborn with fresh energy (follicular phase), and we overflow with abundance and creative life force (ovulation), and how we can nest and nurture and provide for our families (luteal phase) – and then do it all over again and again.
Follow your own rhthyms and give yourself grace in the midst of running after your goals, achieving your vision of success, and desiring all the things you manage to be in balance with one another. The pursuit of harmony among all the parts of your life you love so deeply is what creates a sense of ease and relieves the pressure of performance.
1 I learned this Core Values practice from taking an online business course for creatives by Emily Jeffords
2 As discovered in “Womancode” by Alisa Vitti
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